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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Lurkers: humor me with a response please

I got to thinking about this after reading one of Stephanie Klein's old posts.

If you could sit down and have a drink with yourself from when you were younger, what would you say? Kind of Back-to-the-Future style - would you have advice? Pointers? And saying "take things less seriously" doesn't count. I know Frankie says RELAX, but frankly, I find that t-shirt annoying. Are you implying I'm uptight? Stupid Brody Jenner.

I think I would tell myself first, to stop spending so much energy disapproving my own body. And to stop wishing I had my sister's figure. It's a waste really, you work with what your Mama (and Daddy) gave you. In retrospect, I don't think what I was working with was all that awful, and I wish I knew that then.

Don't be jealous of people. You usually don't know the whole story and being jealous is really just your own hostile insecurity. Don't invest in friendships where there is a lot of competition and jealousy either. Being envious is fine. Realize the difference.

When you meet someone, remember their name. Full name. You haven't been good about this in life, and it is hard to learn later. Plus, it will save you a fair amount of embarrassment.

Wear sunscreen. SPF 4 tanning oil does not count. REAL sunscreen. This is so cliche, but I vividly remember getting at least one reckless sunburn every year, and I have the sunspots and dubious freckles to pay for it.

Write a journal. And actually keep up with it regularly. You will love reading it later. Also, try to write about something other than boys when you do.

Don't sweat your height so much. The boys will catch up eventually, so throw on some heels and stand up straight. Posture, please.

Don't use the F word in front of your parents. It is just blatantly stupid and hungry. And be nice to them. Turns out, they're human too.

Put down the Altoids. They will rot your teeth faster than you can call your dentist. It's just a dental downward spiral from there, really.

Realize you're not a great judge of first impressions. Give them a break, and be less judgemental. You didn't like most of your best friends when you met them. So be more compassionate to people.

Mom will ride you about this your whole life, so drop the word "like" from your vocabulary completely. You did not grow up in The Valley, and even if Clueless WAS a brilliant movie, there is no flattery in imitating here. Also, don't needlessly apologize so much, and try to refrain from starting sentences with "Honestly?..." No. Lie to me.

Pipe down with the righteous indignation. Sweeping judgements will bite you in the butt. Actually, blanket statements are the privledge of naivete, so forget I said that. You'll learn.

Last thing, that boy you'll have a crush on you in eighth grade? He digs you too.


Liz said...

Well said, M.

Stephanie said...

I had a dream last night where I met my 12 year old self but I did not have anything quite as insightful as you did to say. I just told her that the tall bangs and wings really had to go.
Any my diary that my mom just uncovered, all about the boys.

SleeplessInSeattle said...


Ethan said...

Honestly... just kidding.

But I think we all learned from Back to the Future that playing with the past can lead to unintended results in the present/future. As one who likes his present, I'd hesitate to tinker with my past.

BTTF also points out that the future is not written. So maybe we should all start remembering people's names, be less quick to judge new acquaintances, drop "like" from our vocabularies, and start hitting on eighth graders.

Anonymous said...

Ethan - Eighth graders look like 20y.o. these days. We all make mistakes.